HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 9 - Choices
One of the themes that has come up several times for me in the last month and for people in my social circle is the idea of choices. I think that is something so many of us forget. That we always have a choice. Even when we feel trapped. Even when we feel like we are a victim of our circumstances. Even when we can’t control the outcome. We always have choices available to us.
And in those situations I think we often get hung up on the choices that aren’t ours to make. We can’t choose what someone else does. We can’t choose how someone else reacts. We can’t choose what someone else thinks or believes.
But we do have autonomy over ourselves. We can choose a different action. We can choose a different circumstance. We can choose a different thought. We can choose to see things from a different angle. We can choose to stay or go. We can choose to put ourselves first. We can choose to shift our values. We can choose to say no to things that don’t feel good to us and that don’t serve us. And we can choose those things regardless of what someone else does or what they think or how they may respond to the choice we make.
The key is allowing ourselves to step back enough and look at our situation from a wider angle. To gain awareness of what is actually happening around us and how we are choosing to participate in it. Looking radically at our own thoughts, beliefs, choices, behaviors, and making changes accordingly rather than looking outside of ourselves at other people and their thoughts, beliefs, choices, and behaviors wishing they would choose differently. That is not within our control. But what we do is.
The biggest thing standing in your way of anything you desire is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection and abandonment. And the best thing about fear is that it is a result of your thoughts. And your thoughts are something you can change anytime you choose.
One of our greatest gifts as humans on the planet is our free will. But we have to have the discernment needed to look at our situations differently and the courage to take action.
So my question to you is this. What thoughts are getting in the way of you living the life you want to live? What fears are driving your thoughts? What fears have you buried so deeply you have hidden them from yourself? What ways have you created your own prison and continue to victimize yourself with your own thoughts?
The minute we take responsibility for our own behavior is when we are set free from those things that hold us back. But if we continue to look outside of ourselves and point our fingers and blame other people or situations or whatever, we will continue to remain prisoners of those circumstances.
I continue to challenge myself to break out of these fear based decisions and mindsets by asking myself to do something scary every single day. I’m not talking about things like jumping off a cliff or skydiving, although those would definitely qualify. I mean anything I am hesitant to do because fear is getting in the way.
Sometimes it is to reach out to a friend when fear is telling me that it would end in rejection. Sometimes it is to apply for that job I think I am not qualified for. Sometimes it is to do that one task I have been avoiding for no apparent reason. If there is something I feel called to do but find myself talking myself out of it that is usually a good indicator THAT will be the scary thing I do that day.
And in those moments where I feel resistance to do that scary thing, I ask myself these 2 questions:
Would the person I am trying to become be afraid of this? Would the person I am trying to become make this choice?
Because the person I am trying to become is not afraid of anything. She is fearless, disciplined, intentional, and values things like connection, integrity, authenticity, using her voice, and honoring herself. THAT is the person I want making decisions for me.
This is my challenge to you this week.
Take some time out of your day, somewhere quiet, and really think about who you are and who you want to become. Where do you want to be 6 months from now, or 6 years from now? What would truly make you happy?
Ask yourself what values are important to you that would help you align with making that life and vision of yourself a reality?
What choices would you need to make moving forward to start living that life right now? Which of those choices scares you the most?
After you have done that work, I want you to challenge yourself to make one different choice for yourself. One that is scary. One that is in alignment with the values you chose for yourself. One that is possible for you to do today regardless of how big or small it might be. Then I want you to repeat that process every day this week and see what impact it has on your happiness, your confidence, and your self esteem.
Because the progress you make in life towards your happiness is all in the choices you make and the action you take. And I’ll say it again, one of the greatest gifts we have as humans on this planet is our ability to make a new choice. We just have to step back from our circumstances enough to see the infinite possibilities available to us, even when they are scary.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 8 - Full Moon Release
There is a full moon approaching us on January 21. Full moons are all about awareness, seeing things you may have hidden from yourself, and being unable to look away from truth and releasing things that no longer serve you. And this particular full moon happens to be a 2nd one in Capricorn which was also where it was when we had our last full moon in June. It is not common to experience two full moons back to back in the same sign. But it just worked out that way because the last one was at 0° Capricorn and this one is at 29° Capricorn. Which means it’s going to be extra potent. Whatever lessons you had started the work a month ago are culminating on the 21st.
In the last handful of years, I’ve had a lot of relationships come and go from my life and each time one of those connections cycles out it absolutely triggers this lingering wound around abandonment and unworthiness. I’ve definitely done a ton of work during that time to address that issue so those fears don’t continue to control me. But I also realize they’re still very much there.
The last four years seemed to have been a revolving door of loss within my connections. Part of me is extremely grateful for having a vast amount of new people and experiences. But it also created a continuous cycle of loss, after loss, after loss. It started with the loss of the most significant relationship I’ve had this far in life. The loss of a future life I had envisioned that will never come to fruition. The loss of the connections I was tied to because of that relationship, which included people I had considered family. The temporary loss of members of my own family, as I pushed people away in order to create a space for me to heal. The loss of my father who passed away during that time. The loss of several friendships and dating relationships that had come into my life for brief moments and made significant impacts on who I was becoming. The recurring loss of versions of myself and layers of who I used to be as I continued to heal and evolve. And I don’t think we talk enough about how painful that part of the process is.
We don’t understand the grief that comes along with leaving behind layers of who you are. Leaving behind outdated versions yourself as you evolve and grow. Leaving behind pieces of your identity that influenced who you were your entire life as you become the person you were meant to be. And why all of this is a good thing, it is not free from pain and discomfort.
The loss of those kinds of things along with the grief that comes along with processing those endings creates a lot of discomfort that most of us would rather avoid.
While I have done a lot of work to process through those things and heal from them and learned the skills of how to manage things coming into and leaving my life gracefully, it is still hard, and I haven't completely figured it out. There is still a part of me no matter how I try to be mindful about being open to receiving into my life what is meant to be, and allowing things gracefully to exit as their time comes, there is something deep inside of me that frequently wants to hold on. It doesn’t want to let things go even when I know that is what is best for me and often those experiences still trigger wounds of abandonment and unworthiness. There is still a place deep inside of me that would rather hold onto something familiar yet painful, than risk the uncertainty of inviting in things I do not know. And there is a very much a part of me that would rather do anything to fill that void and silence my discomfort rather than sit with it until it passes.
Letting things go. Letting them out. That has been a huge lesson that I have struggled to learn in the past four years. Recognizing when something is being pulled from me, that it is not mine to keep. That if a door is closing in front of me, that it was not mine to walk through. And that if a relationship ends or people leave my life, it is not a reflection of my worth or value, but just a sign that the purpose of that relationship has been served or the lessons I needed from that experience have been mastered.
I think a lot of us spend so much time looking at the past and focusing on endings and closed doors that it creates a sort of tunnel vision that will have us focusing on our pain of loss and grief that blurs our peripheral vision. We’re so focused on this one thing we can’t have that we miss the hundred doors open around us. We focus so much on what is leaving our life that we miss all the opportunities flowing our way and all good things that want to come in. As a recovering codependent I am no stranger to struggling with attachments.
That skill has not been easy to master, and I still struggle with it at times. But the only way to learn that it’s through practice. The only way to practice that skill is to have awareness and mindfulness when those situations arrive, and then choose to handle them intentionally rather than out of a place of fear. When you feel the pull of something leaving, and it hurts, don’t let that convince you that it's a sign to hold tighter. Recognize those twinges of fear or discomfort and use them to bring awareness to those opportunities to practice. Sit with the feelings that rise up in the moment. Feelings of sadness, grief, loss, unworthiness, abandonment, fear and anger. Sit with those emotions and allow them to rise out of your body and escape whatever way they need to. Crying, moving your body, yelling, whatever you need to do to give it an outlet.
Then, after you let it out physically, sit again with those feelings. Recognize what they were there to do, thank them for the awareness they gave you, and then allow yourself to make a different choice, letting go with peace. You may have to repeat this process several times. And those feelings may come up over and over again until they’re fully processed and ready. The practice is to continue to make the same choice enough that you don’t have to think intentionally about it as much each time. Because eventually, that automatic response will take over in these situations. You won’t have to think about it. You’ll just let go with grace.
As we approach this second full moon in Capricorn on Sunday July 21st, ask yourself these questions: What is this full moon asking you to look at? What have you kept hidden from yourself that you can no longer ignore? What cycles of growth are ready to be wrapped up? What people, experiences, or situations do you need to release? What mindsets or beliefs is it time to lay down? What patterns or habits is it time to let go of?
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 7 - Fear of Being Seen
It is currently July of 2024, and it had been on my to-do list to create my website, start my coaching business, launch a podcast, and create my first online course on setting healthy boundaries since before the beginning of this year.
And I had been working quietly behind the scenes for months getting all of my ideas on paper and into words and trying to create something that was incredibly meaningful to me. And how many people know about this? Very few.
As open as I have been in the last handful of years about sharing my story publicly and journey of healing on social media within my friend group, there is a huge part of me that is still terrified to be seen. I didn’t know how bad it was until recently.
Do you want to talk about my healing and trauma and lessons? I’ve learned through life I will share all day long. But ask me about my goals? Ask me about my ambitions? I will clam up faster than fast. I didn’t share a lot about what I was doing because of all of the fears that come along with that. Putting a part of myself out there that I’d rarely done in the past. What if I fail? What if people don’t like it? What if I find out I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about and someone calls me on it? What if somebody tells me that this thing that I have put all of my heart and passion into sucks? Then what? That little part of my brain that is fueled by those fears and allows them to dictate my life completely took over when it came to this.
Whenever someone asks about my life or compliments me on what they see, I find myself becoming very uncomfortable. As much as I have this deep desire to be seen, I'm also terrified of it. If you allow yourself to be completely open and vulnerable and put yourself out there for the world to see exactly who you are, and they don’t like it, what kind of horrible things could happen?
When you experience childhood sexual trauma, you learn quickly that it is safer to be small. To be quiet. To be unnoticed. You didn’t wanna draw attention to yourself. Because if you did bad things could happen. Being quiet and agreeable kept me safe when the abuse was happening. The same way that being invisible kept me safe when it wasn’t happening. And it wasn’t this isolated event that was responsible for this mindset. That story was reinforced throughout my childhood in the family dynamics I grew up in. We were a family of 5. One of us was a little louder than the rest. One of us got a lot more attention for the things he did that drew attention than the rest of us, and not in a good way. And the kid in our house who was loud and drew attention to himself and took up space was treated very differently than those of us who were quiet and timid and agreeable. I remember seeing that as a small child and thinking I don’t want that to be me. I remember thinking he wasn’t as loved as the rest of us and I didn’t want to not be loved. And my response to that observation as a child was to be the opposite. To be the kid who was agreeable and did what they were told. Who didn’t use their voice to talk back or advocate for themselves. Who didn’t have wants or needs. Being small, quiet, and invisible kept me safe, not just physically while playing at the neighbors house, but emotionally and relationally in my own home.
And I know I am not that seven year-old girl. And I know that I have done the work to heal from those things. But as I’m saying these words out loud, there is still very much a part of me who identifies with her. Who still believes that staying small is safe. Who believes it is better to be liked than to be authentic, and have a voice and have needs, because I grew up in a space where it meant having my basic needs met or not.
When I was finally aware of where the fear originated from and recognized that I am not this little girl and I no longer need this protector part to keep me safe, I made a huge shift in being able to let that go. But I will tell you it’s not completely gone. It’s still terrifying to do this. It is still scary as fuck to say the things I want to say and put it out to the world. Not just for the people in my circle that I feel safest and connected with, but for the whole world. And you know what the funny part is, I’m not scared at all what strangers think. Don’t care even a little bit. My anxiety and fear over this part of the process is 100% the people in my circle. Not the handful, I know have my back. Not the ones that know me better than they know themselves. Not the ones that love and accept me, regardless of what I say or do. It’s the other people. The ones that kind of know me. The ones that haven’t done the work to truly understand who I am, but I think they know just enough to pass the judgment on the things I say or do. Those are the ones I’ve given all of this power too. And I’m taking it back.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 6 - Manifesting
One of the things that I do consistently in my desire to create an intentional life is manifestation. And I do this with the moon cycles because I heard it at some point probably about 3 years ago from somebody I was following along in my spiritual journey that it was a great time to take advantage of the energies that were already present.
There are definitely different rituals you can do in this process. Some people create a sacred space for their rituals, some use incense or smudge their space to cleanse the energy. Honestly, I’m not all that woo woo with how I do it.
Step-by-step New Moon Manifesting Ritual Guide
Set the intention. ...
Create a sacred space. ...
Meditate and Centre Yourself. ...
Write down your intentions. ...
Release Your Intentions To The Universe. ...
Charge Your Intentions. ...
Take Inspired Action.
I don’t think it’s magic or anything. I think the power is in directly asking for what you want in life and working towards it. And if you do that God or the universe, or whoever will give you a little help along the way. But you have to be intentional about what you want.
Manifestation is NOT keeping your desires secret then waiting motionless for those things to appear. To manifest the things you want in your life, you 1st have to make them known to the universe, then take action to make them happen when the opportunities present themselves.
Most of us have not taken the time to truly question who we are to our core and that right there is the key to our desires. You have to know yourself enough to know who you are and what you want so you can intentionally ask for it.
As you go through life and figure those things out, sometimes the things you desire will change and that’s OK. The best thing about being a powerful manifestor is that anything you ask for is going to come your way. Maybe as you grow and evolve, you realize you’ve been asking for the wrong things all this time and then decide you want something else. You can have those things. It’s OK to change your mind at any time. But whatever you do, you still have to be mindful about what you’re putting into the universe as far as your thoughts and actions.
The second part of it is being open to receiving. And not just receiving the very detailed picture you painted of what you’re asking for. But being open to receive what it is you truly desire, regardless of what form it comes in. This is where surrender becomes important. Holding on to a specific outcome creates resistance. And resistance will block you from receiving. The goal is to ask for what you truly desire then be open to the universe bringing it to you in a way that is for your best and highest good.
And the third is taking bold action when opportunities present themselves.
It reminds me of the Thomas Edison quote, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” When we are not mindful about the things we want (aka what we are manifesting with our thoughts and words) and are not present enough to see when those things arrive, and are not open to the idea that they may not look they way we think they should, we miss out on so many of the good things we’ve asked for. Then wonder why other people are so lucky and seem to get everything they want and we don’t.
We have to be intentional about what we want. We have to be present and mindful enough to recognize those things when they show up. We have to be open to the idea that they might not look the way we think they should when they arrive. And we have to be willing to take action when those opportunities present themselves. That is the key to manifesting the things you want. It's not Magic. It's not luck. It is a skill that you can practice. It is something that anyone can do if they're committed to doing it consistently.
I know there’s certain people out there who we just think are lucky because they just always happen to be at the right place at the right time. But most of us don’t understand that all of us happen to be at the right place at the right time. Most of us aren’t present enough with eyes open wide enough to see those opportunities when they’re staring us in the face.
Manifesting is just knowing what you want, being open to receiving it when it arrives, being present and paying attention enough to see it regardless of what it looks like, then being brave enough to take action upon it.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 5 - Deep Healing
After experiencing the emotional pain that comes with the ending of a significant relationship or a divorce, we are often left with these huge fears that prevent us from opening our hearts. For the longest time, I thought my fear was of being hurt. I think a lot of us do. But sometimes the things we’re actually afraid of are much worse than that. How could anything be worse than that, right? Lots of things. Being hurt is the easy one. If we were actually afraid of being hurt, we wouldn’t chase unavailable partners. If we were actually afraid of being hurt, we wouldn’t continue to participate in relationships that harm us emotionally. That’s not scary. We’ve been through that. We know what it’s like. We know we can survive it. That’s not the real fear.
For me, it’s hurting someone that I care about. That is scary. Those of us who chose to end a relationship know what that feels like. And maybe haven’t recovered from it yet. We haven’t forgiven ourselves for doing the best we could with what we had. We haven’t forgiven ourselves for our best, not being enough. We haven't addressed the shame that comes along with that. The shame of feeling like we can’t protect those we care about. The shame of feeling like we aren’t enough. The shame that comes with questioning if that happens again (and it might) does that mean we are not lovable?
That is actually what many of us are most afraid of.
A huge part of me was afraid to open my heart up, but also there was a part of me that didn’t think it deserved to be open because of this guilt and shame that I had been carrying around. Guilt over hurting someone that I love. Shame over failing. Shame over not knowing how to fix it. Shame over giving up. Shame over not being strong when that’s what my partner needed. Shame over not being enough.
Carrying around all of that shame resulted in me punishing myself by not allowing myself to be open to happiness or love another person, or even love myself, because I didn’t think I deserved it.
It’s hard to set those beliefs down. Especially when you don’t even know you’re carrying them. When you don’t even know they exist. Because that in itself would require you to look deep inside at all of your fears and insecurities and shame and inadequacy and acknowledge it, own it, and then forgive yourself enough to give yourself permission to set it down.
That is what was hiding in Pandora’s box. And I would’ve continued to keep it there locked up tight never to be seen. It was easier for me to hold onto the pain, than be brave enough to open that box and look inside. The only reason I did it was because I didn’t have a choice at a certain point.
Eventually, in order to move on, we have to release the shame. We have to stop punishing ourselves. Withholding the things that we desire because there’s a piece of us that believes we don’t deserve it. It’s not about deserving anyway. We have to learn to love ourselves completely, even when we are imperfect. Even when we make mistakes. Even when we hurt others.
In this process of healing, we will look back at the situation many times and experience all of the stages of grief. Thinking and feeling and overthinking. Eventually when you’ve run that course and get to a place where all the “what ifs” have been processed, you’re left with just looking at yourself. Looking at your contribution to what happened. And not just your actions but the whys behind them. Any not just the whys in those moments but they whys from childhood and previous experiences that molded you to respond that way.
You’ll get to a place where you can see those things clearly and it will be uncomfortable. You’ll feel all the shame and anger and unworthiness rise to the surface. When that happens, don’t shut it down. Feel all of it. Feel it deeply. Let it out of your body. In tears. In rage. However it needs to express itself.
And once it is all out, look at yourself compassionately and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for those moments. Forgive yourself for not knowing better. And forgive yourself for not loving yourself because of it.
Unconditional love for another starts with loving yourself. Until you've learned to love all the parts of you without judgment or criticism or shame, you cannot fully love another as they are. That is what unconditional love is. To look at another and say, "I see you. I really see you. All of you. And I appreciate you. I respect you. I honor your journey and experiences. And I completely accept you just as you are."
You must be able to look at your full self with that same level of awareness and acceptance. All the parts of you. Not just the ones you've deemed good enough to show the world. All of them. The acceptable, the shameful, the beautiful, the ugly, the ones that are full of grace and the ones that need forgiveness. You have to be willing to be vulnerable enough, even with just yourself, to let your guard down and open Pandora’s box to allow a healthy dose of radical honesty and then radical self acceptance.
The weight on our hearts is a lot when we continue to carry things like sadness, grief, fear and shame. It’s heavy and burdensome because those things were never meant to be taken with us. If you are still holding onto those things because you think you have to, it is OK to set them down. They aren’t yours anymore. Release the shame, it was never yours to carry. Release the fear. You don’t have to be afraid. Release yourself from the prison you created because you believe punishing yourself is what you deserve.
You are not a bad person. You are not inadequate. You are not unworthy of being loved.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 4 - Hard Work
I was raised that hard work was a virtue and the only way to have success in life. This idea was absolutely ingrained into my identity.
I completely bought into the concept that hard work was the only way I was going to be successful. And the harder I worked, the more successful I would become. I was taught to do the hard things first. Work hard, then play. Eat your vegetables first. Don’t let anyone ever out hustle you. I was certainly no stranger to hard work.
But one day I reached a moment where I stood up and said, “Fuck that shit! I don’t wanna work hard!” And the second those words flew out of my mouth, this voice in my head said, “You lazy bitch.” And this overwhelming feeling of disgust washed over me. Did I just say that?
I spent the next several months realizing I had 2 conflicting ideas trying to live peacefully in my head and becoming aware that they could not coexist in the same space. Something had to go.
What I wanted was a peaceful life. An inspired life. A life where I get to use all of my gifts to help others. A life of joy. A life of freedom.
And I also realized in this process that this concept of hard work didn't just affect my approach to work and my career but also to my relationships.
I didn’t realize how much this mindset had carried over from my childhood into the pattern of codependent relationships. I grew up thinking I had to earn praise and affection. I had to provide value in the form of doing for others, taking care of them, being agreeable, and sacrificing my needs in order to receive love. I had to work hard for it.
I didn’t realize until just recently, how much this pattern and thought process throughout my life, in relationships, really distorted the way I looked at receiving abundance in all areas of my life. That my 10 year old mind perceived that information in childhood and applied it to every area of my life through adulthood in ways that did not serve me well.
I realize now how I misunderstood those lessons and have decided it is time for me to lay down those beliefs. At least the parts that continue to harm me or distort the way I look at the world, my relationships, and myself.
What habits, patterns or mindsets have you been questioning? What patterns, beliefs or mindsets from childhood could use the insight of your adult self? What new awareness have you been gifted? What are you ready to let go of because it no longer serves who you are becoming?
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 3 - Lean In
In the past few years, I have become acutely aware that the universe or God or spirit or whatever you wanna call it (Sky Daddy as one of my friends refers to it as) whatever you wanna call it, speaks to me in different ways. More often than not it is in words, but not ones that I hear. There are no voices in my head telling me things. Wouldn’t that be cool though? It’s usually in the form of a written word. A billboard, street sign, song lyrics, repeating numbers, or a simple phrase that continues to appear. Or sometimes it’s a picture or an object I can name that represents a word or a theme. And I have completely embraced the idea that when those things happen, it is my soul family or spirit guides communicating with me. Trying to tell me something that I need to hear. Drawing my attention to some awareness I need to have. Or just simply letting me know I am on the right path.
I kind of go through phases where the universe is speaking to me, constantly telling me things. Sometimes it is subtle and I really have to pay attention and be present to see it. And sometimes it screams messages in my face that I couldn’t ignore even if I wanted to.
These messages have been pretty quiet for a while, but just recently started speaking to me again frequently. Most recently, one of those experiences was with the phrase “Lean In.” I first heard it from a friend who was describing a relationship with somebody and how they would “Lean In” to that connection, only to have that person pull away. That specific phrase caught my attention only because my experience has been that men are not always the most articulate when it comes to talking about their feelings. And the fact that those 2 words perfectly illustrated when he was trying to convey. I had a complete visual that went along with that description. For whatever reason those 2 words stood out to me.
Lean In means to embrace, fully engage with, or actively pursue something in spite of difficulty or risk.
Hmmmm. I pondered those words for a while trying to decipher not necessarily what they meant, but what they meant for me. Clearly I was supposed to choose a path that involved risk. And for me risk means the one that scares me most. But what part of my life was I supposed to apply this to? Then I realized the answer was…Everywhere.
I thought about my career. I decided a while ago that one of the values I wanted to live was that of a life of freedom. I didn’t want to work 40 hours a week, doing something I wasn’t passionate about, just to have some sense of financial security. I wanted to work less hours, but doing something that didn’t even feel like work. I wanted the flexibility to be more available to my kids. I wanted the flexibility to create the space for rest, for creativity, and the space for connection and relationships. I wanted to ease into my day and create a life where I didn’t have anywhere specific to be at 8 AM Monday morning.
I thought about my relationships and a decision I needed to make; one that was risky. I know what scares me. It’s not rejection or something not working out. I am terrified of losing myself in a relationship with another person. I am terrified of being in a relationship where someone needs more than I can give. That being with someone who wants more than I can offer makes me feel like I am not enough. I am terrified of waking up one day and realizing this isn’t what I want, and hurting someone else again. There is a ton of risk involved with that.
But I’m fully aware that I need those kinds of experiences sometimes. The ones that poke wounds that I’ve forgotten need healing. The ones that allow me to continue to grieve things that I don’t even want anymore. I have to remind myself that healing is not linear. And even when you think you get yourself to a place where you are done, and you are fine, you may find yourself feeling all the feelings all over again. Less intense than they were the last time, or the time before that, but there just the same. And that’s when I knew which one the universe was pushing me to lean in to.
And the universe did not disappoint. This connection triggered the shit out of me. It gave me opportunities to practice setting boundaries. It made me question how I actually want to feel in a relationship. It allowed me to practice setting the pace for a relationship that I am comfortable with.
This connection is teaching me. And that is exactly what I asked for. I have asked for the lessons in order to heal. I have asked for the experiences I need to practice the skills I’ve learned from those lessons. Because I don’t want to continue to walk around with the same baggage forever.
And I have asked the universe for those lessons to be tested continually to ensure I haven’t reverted back to old patterns and habits. This is the new way I started looking at the world. And for me it has actually brought in an incredible amount of peace. I don’t walk around with this attachment to people, places, things, or experiences that cause me to grip tight to them out of fear of loss. I allow the things I need to flow into my life with open arms, and when they no longer serve a purpose, I allow them peacefully to flow out.
That is the mindset I have going into every single connection I make these days. Every single experience. I constantly remind myself, “I asked for this”, even if it feels bad or uncomfortable. I have learned that the universe will bring you exactly what you requested, so it is up to you to be mindful of what you ask for, and pay attention to the ways it shows up. If you have a moment where you say God, I just wanna feel free, don't be surprised when universe removes all the shit that holds you down regardless of your attachment to it. If you say, God, I just wanna be healed, don't be surprised when the universe brings in people and experiences that prompt your healing, as painful as they may be. If you say, God I just wish I knew the truth and then the universe opens your eyes to truths you didn’t want to see, don't be surprised. When you say God I just want to have a bigger life, don’t be surprised when the universe comes in and forcefully shoves you out of your comfort zone while you’re kicking and screaming.
Here is my challenge to you. Start looking at your relationships and the experiences currently in your life and ask yourself, what is this here to teach me? What lessons have I already learned that this experience or connection is here to provide the practice I need to truly master those skills? When you can look at the world with this level of awareness and discernment, you stop taking things so personally when there is conflict, and start appreciating the unacknowledged blessings of these experiences. And when you find that something is no longer for you because the purpose of that experience has been accomplished, it is much easier to walk away with a heart full of gratitude for the blessings it provided rather than sorrow or pain.
I hope this insight helps you navigate your own perception of your experiences in life and I hope that shift in your awareness helps you to heal that shit.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 2 - Self Love
In this episode, I dive into my journey of self love. Doing the work to create shifts in our mindsets is a start. If you want to receive the things you desire in life (love, healthy relationships, abundance, etc.), you have to love yourself enough to believe you are worthy of those things.
But to truly make the transformation towards self love in your life, you must also intentionally choose the actions and behaviors that align with the things you say and believe you value and desire. Action is where the magic happens. Actively choosing emotionally available partners. Setting boundaries that honor your wants and needs. Showing up with honesty and integrity in your relationships, especially the one with yourself.
It doesn’t matter how much I say I love myself. It doesn’t even matter how much I truly believe that I love myself.
Real self-love is not just in the words we say or the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Real self love is in the actions that we take towards ourselves. Do these actions actually reflect what I say I believe my values are? When I say, I believe I am worthy of love, do I take actions that reflect being worthy of love towards myself? For example if you say, I deserve to be treated with kindness but continue to maintain relationships where you are not treated with kindness, does that behavior align with what you say you believe and value? If the answer is no, you are not practicing self-love, regardless of what you say and think. Self-love truly is in the actions. If you say, I value honesty and integrity, but continue to engage in relationships with people who lie to you, does that behavior align with what you say you believe and value? If the answer is no, you are not practicing self love.
Saying you want a certain type of relationship in your life, one that is filled with love, respect, commitment, reciprocation, honesty, transparency, support, and continuing to entertain relationships that are not those things is not self love. If you want to truly complete the process of loving yourself beyond the thoughts in the words you have to take intentional action to live those beliefs. That right there is where the healing starts to happen.
It is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing the information. Wisdom is being able to apply that knowledge with your actions and decisions.
HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 1 - Who Am I?
I truly believe that we’re here on this planet to learn. That is the purpose of life and nothing else. We are here to learn who we are. We are here to learn how to be our most authentic self in the world that tells us we shouldn’t, every minute of every single day. We are here to learn how to fully love ourselves, so we can walk in this world, fully loving others.
In the last four years, I have become acutely aware that every person that crosses our path and stays for more than just a fleeting moment is here to show us something or teach us something about ourselves. About our beliefs. To give us experiences that expand our minds, questioning things we’ve never questioned before. Or it’s because OUR purpose in their life is to do that for them. Once I started walking this world with that mindset and awareness, it opened up so many opportunities for growth, and connection, and love.
That has been my journey. Some might call it a midlife crisis, but I call it my spiritual awakening.
My goal with this podcast is to not only be light for others their darkness, but also to share the things that I’ve learned along the way during all of my moments of darkness. Some of these things include:
How to listen to my body and my intuition.
How to set boundaries with others.
How to put my needs first, which was probably the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to do in this process.
How to be authentic regardless of what others think of you or what you think.
How to develop your own spirituality because I really, truly believe it’s a huge part of being human on this planet. Understanding that we are all connected, that there is a reason that we’re here, and I personally believe that reason is to learn and grow and heal and love and figure out how to be the truest version of ourselves as possible.
How to love other people with compassion and understanding, even if they aren't who we think they should be.
How to be honest with yourself.
How the things that trigger us in other people are mirrors to the work that we need to do on ourselves.
How to figure out and understand your purpose in this lifetime. What was your soul placed here to do?
How to understand astrology and use those energies to work for you.
How tarot can help enhance your intuition.
How to do the work to heal.