HEAL THAT SHIT with Alissa Buethe PODCAST Episode 8 - Full Moon Release
There is a full moon approaching us on January 21. Full moons are all about awareness, seeing things you may have hidden from yourself, and being unable to look away from truth and releasing things that no longer serve you. And this particular full moon happens to be a 2nd one in Capricorn which was also where it was when we had our last full moon in June. It is not common to experience two full moons back to back in the same sign. But it just worked out that way because the last one was at 0° Capricorn and this one is at 29° Capricorn. Which means it’s going to be extra potent. Whatever lessons you had started the work a month ago are culminating on the 21st.
In the last handful of years, I’ve had a lot of relationships come and go from my life and each time one of those connections cycles out it absolutely triggers this lingering wound around abandonment and unworthiness. I’ve definitely done a ton of work during that time to address that issue so those fears don’t continue to control me. But I also realize they’re still very much there.
The last four years seemed to have been a revolving door of loss within my connections. Part of me is extremely grateful for having a vast amount of new people and experiences. But it also created a continuous cycle of loss, after loss, after loss. It started with the loss of the most significant relationship I’ve had this far in life. The loss of a future life I had envisioned that will never come to fruition. The loss of the connections I was tied to because of that relationship, which included people I had considered family. The temporary loss of members of my own family, as I pushed people away in order to create a space for me to heal. The loss of my father who passed away during that time. The loss of several friendships and dating relationships that had come into my life for brief moments and made significant impacts on who I was becoming. The recurring loss of versions of myself and layers of who I used to be as I continued to heal and evolve. And I don’t think we talk enough about how painful that part of the process is.
We don’t understand the grief that comes along with leaving behind layers of who you are. Leaving behind outdated versions yourself as you evolve and grow. Leaving behind pieces of your identity that influenced who you were your entire life as you become the person you were meant to be. And why all of this is a good thing, it is not free from pain and discomfort.
Heal That Shit with Alissa Buethe - Episode 8: Full Moon Release
The loss of those kinds of things along with the grief that comes along with processing those endings creates a lot of discomfort that most of us would rather avoid.
While I have done a lot of work to process through those things and heal from them and learned the skills of how to manage things coming into and leaving my life gracefully, it is still hard, and I haven't completely figured it out. There is still a part of me no matter how I try to be mindful about being open to receiving into my life what is meant to be, and allowing things gracefully to exit as their time comes, there is something deep inside of me that frequently wants to hold on. It doesn’t want to let things go even when I know that is what is best for me and often those experiences still trigger wounds of abandonment and unworthiness. There is still a place deep inside of me that would rather hold onto something familiar yet painful, than risk the uncertainty of inviting in things I do not know. And there is a very much a part of me that would rather do anything to fill that void and silence my discomfort rather than sit with it until it passes.
Letting things go. Letting them out. That has been a huge lesson that I have struggled to learn in the past four years. Recognizing when something is being pulled from me, that it is not mine to keep. That if a door is closing in front of me, that it was not mine to walk through. And that if a relationship ends or people leave my life, it is not a reflection of my worth or value, but just a sign that the purpose of that relationship has been served or the lessons I needed from that experience have been mastered.
I think a lot of us spend so much time looking at the past and focusing on endings and closed doors that it creates a sort of tunnel vision that will have us focusing on our pain of loss and grief that blurs our peripheral vision. We’re so focused on this one thing we can’t have that we miss the hundred doors open around us. We focus so much on what is leaving our life that we miss all the opportunities flowing our way and all good things that want to come in. As a recovering codependent I am no stranger to struggling with attachments.
That skill has not been easy to master, and I still struggle with it at times. But the only way to learn that it’s through practice. The only way to practice that skill is to have awareness and mindfulness when those situations arrive, and then choose to handle them intentionally rather than out of a place of fear. When you feel the pull of something leaving, and it hurts, don’t let that convince you that it's a sign to hold tighter. Recognize those twinges of fear or discomfort and use them to bring awareness to those opportunities to practice. Sit with the feelings that rise up in the moment. Feelings of sadness, grief, loss, unworthiness, abandonment, fear and anger. Sit with those emotions and allow them to rise out of your body and escape whatever way they need to. Crying, moving your body, yelling, whatever you need to do to give it an outlet.
Then, after you let it out physically, sit again with those feelings. Recognize what they were there to do, thank them for the awareness they gave you, and then allow yourself to make a different choice, letting go with peace. You may have to repeat this process several times. And those feelings may come up over and over again until they’re fully processed and ready. The practice is to continue to make the same choice enough that you don’t have to think intentionally about it as much each time. Because eventually, that automatic response will take over in these situations. You won’t have to think about it. You’ll just let go with grace.
As we approach this second full moon in Capricorn on Sunday July 21st, ask yourself these questions: What is this full moon asking you to look at? What have you kept hidden from yourself that you can no longer ignore? What cycles of growth are ready to be wrapped up? What people, experiences, or situations do you need to release? What mindsets or beliefs is it time to lay down? What patterns or habits is it time to let go of?